The calm after the storm
For me getting a bfp has always felt a little like the calm after the storm. I stop charting bbt, checking dates to see when to start opk, trying to remember the number of days in between the last round of "trying". And then it all stops, and there is nothing left to do but pray it sticks. Nothing you can do at this point will change your outcome. At this point only 1 date matters to me, a special day (13 days from now) where we get our 1st hint at the chance that this is really it. In the calm after the storm I pray harder for our rainbow, I picture that tiny beating heart and pray more. During the last 2 weeks (seriously that's ALL it's been?!) I have been so nervous to think too much about the little womb dweller, the little parasite that I am gladly letting siphon off of my nutrients. Somehow I feel like acknowledging how much I want this will make the universe take it from me. I have been over analyzing every teeny tiny thing. Are my boobs still sore? Not as sore as yesterday? Why didn't I feel nauseous today? Why don't I feel any pulling/cramping today? The list could go on and on and on. Though my body is changing and it's impossible to ignore. My weight hasn't budged, but I can't button my pants. My bra's don't fit. I'm beat. I'm starving. I'm queasy. Yes changes, but I have been here before and I am simply afraid of losing the love I have for something so tiny that can barely even be seen. Please let these next 13 days pass quickly, or I may just lose myself a little to the madness.